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The return of Shoaib Malik is perhaps the greatest humiliation that can be thrown in the faces of Ijaz Butt, Wasim Bari, Intikhab Alam, Aaqib Javed, Yawar Saeed, Shahid Afridi & Co.

The man one of them called a “termite,” whom they all agreed was the “intriguer” in the team, who, according to Alam, refused to bat at no.3 in New Zealand after agreeing to do so, and who was reported to have feigned an injury to sit out the Sydney Test, has now had his ban lifted and fine reduced to one million rupees. That I think he can easily pay by selling the gold crown he got from the government minister on his marriage.

Butt taketh away and Butt giveth back. And the so-called termite has been transformed into a terminator, complete with his infamous quip “I’ll be back.”

We all started out laughing at Butt’s antics before having more serious disagreements with his decisions. Eventually we became annoyed at his constant and unrepentant U-turns and propensity for handing lucrative assignments to cronies. The time has now come to pity the man. He has moved from being an indecisive dilly dallier, to an arrogant power-wielder, and now seems more like a senile man who does not know what has become of him.

He is like a robot who gets programmed and then reprogrammed and sent out to speak nonsense. It has come to a moment where he would better off as a spokesman for the Wall Street Association of Ethical Bankers or something equally absurd.

Every time he comes forward to speak, you tell yourself, “He’s not going to do it… He’s not going to say it….” Then he does and you ask yourself why you had doubted your instinct. His last stupidity was to reveal that there was political pressure on him to lift the ban, but that he would not succumb to it. Two days later the Arbitrator, or whatever he claims he is, informed the media that the PCB had given a “good behaviour” report on the termite/terminator (which one depends on whether you love or hate Malik).

As a result, Malik is now a free man. Remember how the media was termed as crazy when they encroached on the privacy of Malik when he was to be married to Sania Mirza, to the extent that one TV channel even showed the bed on which they were to sleep in a Lahore hotel? The real question now is, what has the PCB been watching given that the ghar daamaad has been living in Hyderabad Deccan since his rukhsati. Who gave the affidavit declaring that Malik has been on good behaviour? Sania? The peace-making Islamic leadership of that city? Or could it be that it was our gatecrasher aunt who put her weight on Butt’s shoulders to bend him into freeing her ambassador of family planning: “Get him to out of harm’s way, Butt ji.”

So who’s likely to be the scapegoat for Butt this time? Most likely Wasim Bari, who did the job for his boss – but then the videos weren’t supposed to be public. So much for the foresight of the legal advisor Tafazzul Rizvi, who should have advised the PCB that if they record it and allow for appeals then these will have to be submitted. Or that the Senate and NA sports committees could ask for it, which is the end of the Official Secrets Act.

Now Bari must be shown to be wrong when as chairman he okayed the bans when there was no proof. Or permitted Alam’s infamous summing up of the situation – “It seemed our players are mentally retarded” – to come into print in the official report. But it is unfair to Bari who may have risen to higher places even though his management calibre is well known.

This is probably the day for which Bari was made COO for. He is neither a friend nor a relative. Knowing that any delay might lead to some MNA or Senator being taken seriously, Butt announced the entire team management for coming tours before the team itself. Included are Yawar Saeed who has been revealed as the instigator of player’s disenchantment with each other through the leaked videos of the inquiry committee meetings (but has close relations with Butt sahib) and Aaqib Javed, who all but used the F word – fixer – about Kamran Akmal’s missed run-out at Sydney.

Perhaps Kamran Akmal will make peace after threatening to take Aaqib to court to get his fine reduced or removed. “Listen, we both need the money. Let’s just get this tour over with. This nation with no bread, clothes, shelter, will just curse us and then, the next day, be too busy looking for electricity, water, justice, law and order, hope, etc. to think about our actions.”

Afridi is fully aware of the disciplinary impotence and has taken upon himself to issue warnings to players about maintaining a code of conduct. No words there from Yawar Saeed or others among the top management to Afridi to stop stepping into the manager’s boots. Even when he announces that he wants four new faces and Younis Khan as his deputy. No words from the selectors and the chairman about the fact that Afridi is violating the code of conduct by making these statements, which are not the domain of the captain. Maybe that’s why Afridi felt emboldened to lambast former manager Alam for being a demoralising force. No punishment for breaking the code of conduct for commenting critically on a board official and issuing public statements after a tour. With apologies to Simon and Garfunkel, we should we be singing, “Where have you gone, Mr. Bari & Co.?”